LIFE UPDATES

 Hi, it's been a while since i didnt update anything here. I dont know where to start but I can say I have been through big challenges in my life that required me to grow become a different person than I was. Maybe I can explain what kind of challenges and information I had for the past 3 years

2019

I got into relationship. I felt the most loved person ever in the world. 

2020

    Covid-19 started. At the same time, both of my parents went to South Korea to work as a farmer there. I worried a lot that I sent a lot of precaution chats to them such as sanitize hands and everything but luckily, both of my parents received vaccine after that. Since they live in South Korea, I used to be alone in home. I worked out a lot. I loss weight from 50kg+? to 45kg. I learned different types of cooking and gained a lot of weight after that lol. 

2021

    I did my internship. I got my vaccine and it was Sinovac. But my journey during internship was hell. First, I was struggling with work and second my relationship. We fought a lot. I hated it. I hated it when I got manipulated just like that. But I was the only one who defend the relationship. If it was not me, nobody works for it lol. Poor me im the only one who work for it and treated me like a freaking slave. My social media got controlled by my ex. Everything I did got judged and insulted. 

2022

    Back to campus. I planned to travel Kuching before the semester started. I planned and travel the whole Kuching attraction places and Im so happy I get to travel alone there. Then, I got my teeth scaled. It was RM100. The dentist told me I have beautiful and clean teeth and since from there I never felt confident about my teeth to everyone. I got broke up in 7th of May 2023. I broke up while eating McD. My eyes were freaking swollen as fuck. I gained a lot of weight since from that. I struggled to complete the FYP as well. Dealing with breakup, completing my FYP, and i fell sick that time. I got fever, diarrhea, and vomitted. I told the college felo and she said I had to call the president of residential college to bring me to hospital but she was having her faculty dinner. Luckily, my friends got my back. They gave me medicine and comfort during that time. Because of them, I've graduated on time and Im always cheering them. Because of break up,Im happier than ever. Even Im okay of being alone, I always have this kind of feeling of wanting someone to talk to. I think this is because im used to be in relationship. Yes, I feel so lonely that time. I mean, healing journey can be pretty lonely journey and i have to make peace with that.

2023

     Joined SuleMio discord after season 1 ended and I met a lot of friends that shared same interest from different country and I was hyperfixated about it all the time. Jobless for few months until i got my freelance as an editor. I seek therapist but it didnt work. I dont know, i feel like i dont get anything from that first session. I wasted RM120 for 1 hour session because at the end it's me that have to get up and continue working hard to find full time job. I loss weight too. From 54.5kg to 49k.5kg. I think maybe i dont eat a lot. I got 2 lumps in my both breast. Left breast side lump is bigger than right breast. Did an autopsy for my breast lump and the result is going to be at 1st of November. Hope it is come out as benign. Right now, Im working on a contract job as a software developer in a startup company. It is hard because I had to learn everything. I am the leader of the team so if anything happened, i will get blamed. Right now, I buy a lot of self help books and watch online course to improve my peoples' skills and technical skills too. It is an investment for me. I know the journey wont be good but I trust in me and my team that we can do this. For now, i work to learn. Later, when my fundamental is very stronger I will get good job and salary after that. Im working on my professional development. It is tiring but i do it for my future. Im the first daughter of my family so i had to do the best for my family. My father will go back to Malaysia next year so i had to find full time job + good salary to take care of my family.

Now, it's 1:48am, 20/10/2023. I didnt do anything because i feel so sleepy whole time. I think that's pretty much it. 

I know the journey of becoming a better person is not easy, but surely i will be there. 

Reaction is a fear, Courage is a decision.

Ed, signing out. Gonna see you in next blog!! tataaa